Obviously they’re not a condiment, but they are one of my passions in life, and food, so I’m squeezing them in. Unlike cleaning out my closet, which I also did this week, holding a warm hot cross bun in my hand really does spark joy. Conversely though, the joy leads to them not being kept, rather to them being destroyed. I guess Marie Kondo-ing doesn’t work for food.
Generally, I try to eat quality over quantity, otherwise as a food-lover I would eat far too much. However there are some things where you need both. I want to eat hot cross buns with abandon, and generally do, but I don’t want to nibble at them or feel they are too precious because they are, at heart, bread with sultanas. Hot cross buns are a staple this time of year and for the last week, I have been living almost exclusively on coffee and buns and been totally happy. I’m sure the fruit has lots of nutrients, right?
Choice did a blind taste-test on supermarket buns, so of course I had to test their findings, just to be sure. Their winner was Coles, followed by Aldi, Woolworths and Bakers Delight.
Now I have in my head a Platonic Ideal of what the perfect Hot Cross Bun should be. For anyone who, unlike me, doesn’t have an expensive and unemployable Philosophy degree to their name, it is the theory that all material things are the representations (however imperfect) of a perfect version of that thing, which exists on a separate plane of existence, but is somehow know to all of us (so worth the money).
My perfect hot cross bun, which lies tantalisingly out of reach in another dimension but so close I can taste it, is slightly chewy, moist, soft with good fruit flavour and heavy on the spice. I don’t care about glaze, but too much and your fingers are sticky and no one wants that.
So how do the supermarket varieties stack up for me?
Coles has great fruit flavour, but without the right chewiness. Aldi might be good if they were fresher but I went to my local store on a couple of occasions and couldn’t find any that weren’t near the expiration date and completely stale. The Woolworths ones are basic, neither good nor bad, inoffensive but unremarkable. Baker’s Delight has the chewiness but not the flavour.
Why don’t I go gourmet? Well, I do if I’m walking past a bakery and they’re there. The problem is that they are too high brow. The buns are light and bread-y, rather than chewy, and at $3+ per bun, can’t be consumed in the required quantities to keep me happy. I’m looking for a half-dozen under $10.
So then I happened to be in Harris Farm and while they were out of their own brand, which someone recommended I try, they had Bowen Island. I ate 2 in the car on the way home in order to test them straight, as I had with all the others too (solely in the interest of science, not because I couldn’t help myself!) These ticked a lot of boxes, but were almost too chewy, though the dough flavour is appealing, with the right amount of cardamom where it adds to the flavour but doesn’t overpower the rest of the spices. Toasted though, with butter, these are almost perfect.
I’m not going to call it a winner, because there are many more buns to test before the season is over, so let’s just say they are the current leader!
The Curated Condiment 